i don't wanna f***

Twas a normal ordinary working day. Lessons, home. Went nowhere, had a bath and slept. Called Dash.  I'm getting used to the idea of thinking ab that woman every bloody day, i can't even formulate what I think. I told Dash I'm not willing to see her or talk to her. Read one novel by Francoise Sagan, where one the characters remind me ab my ex love affair. It's an actress and she is.. like, empty. In real life. THere's nothing you can learn ab her except for the times when she's on the stage. The same with my woman. A dancer, so all the sense is in the performance, elsewhere - no soul, no feelings. Jumping from one bed into another.
I miss my man and I think ab him also pretty often, every day, I'd say. But I can't escape from the fear I may have to pretend If we make love. Don't really feel that desire I'm used to. Maybe one day I'm gonna say I'm gay. I'm really sorry ab that.